Teaching Your Child Assertive Skills

Another aspect of learning to Socialize for children with autism, is knowing how to be assertive when the situation requires them to. This article provides a good overview on how to teach your child such skills. 

. . . . . 

Assertiveness training for children is an often overlooked skill. In special education, we place emphasis on teaching children to cooperate with adults. Behavior intervention plans are often focused on teaching children to conform to a teacher or parent's behavior expectations. Individual Education Programs usually focus on teaching academic skills by rewarding improved performance. With all the attention being focused on teaching children to do what adults want them to do, the importance of teaching children to be assertive and stand up for their own preferences is sometimes overlooked. Even though assertiveness is an important life skill, many children go through special education programs without learning it. Instead, they may be programmed to become passive adults who simply comply with authority figures. This can place them at risk for being taken advantage of in life or living in ways that may be contrary to their personal goals and desires.

It is important for children to learn to stand up for themselves and communicate with other children in adults in positive ways. They need the self-confidence and communication skills that will enable them to:

• Express their preferences without being disrespectful or displaying inappropriate behavior
• Stand up for themselves without being aggressive;
• Avoid being exploited or even abused;
• Understand when adult or peer requests are inappropriate and how to appropriately resist those requests; and
• Live according to their own personal values and beliefs. 

Learning assertiveness skills is especially helpful in reducing aggression. Children are often aggressive because they do not have the skills necessary to resolve disagreements peaceably. If they do not learn assertiveness skills, they may have difficulty developing positive relationships into adulthood. Further, children who do not learn assertiveness may become overly submissive and may be targeted by bullies or abusers. Children must learn that they must say "no" to other children or adults who try to hurt them or talk them into doing things that are not dangerous for them. Children must understand that it is expected for them to take up for themselves, say "no," or even walk away from a child or adult who makes them feel threatened.

Role-Play Strategies to Teach Children Assertiveness Skills:

1. Teach your child how to say "no" in a firm voice while looking into the other person's eyes.
2. Show your child how to express his preferences. "No, I am not going with you."
3. Model for your child how to respond when another child tries to take his property. "No, you can't have this toy. I'm using it. You can have it when I'm done with it."
4. Demonstrate "I" messages. State the feeling, the condition, and why. For example, "I feel angry when you call me names because I don't like it, and you need to stop."
5. Teach your child to explain to a bully what he will do if the behavior doesn't stop. "If you don't stop calling me names, I will tell the teacher." 

Important Points to Share with Your Child:

Although children should be encouraged to work out minor problems himself, if your child feels as if he is afraid, in danger, or is physically threatened he needs to report the problem to an adult right away. Instruct your child to talk with his teacher, the counselor, or the principal. He should also tell you whenever a dangerous situation exists with bullies or adults.

Role playing situations with your child will help build the confidence he needs to deal with situations that require assertiveness. Allow your child to help you come up with role play scenarios. Have him share real or realistic imaginary situations that may occur.

It is also important to teach your child that assertiveness doesn't mean that he will or should get his way all of the time. Explain that it is important to let other children have their way to build positive give and take relationships with friends.

By Ann Logsdon

This article is taken from LearningDisabilities.com